Or how to deal with difficult people who do not listen to you, because you are a woman?
These are some of the challenges faced by Capt Jane Trembath, an SAA pilot who spoke at the East Rand Business Women event, at the Birchwood Hotel, on October 9.
Trembath thinks that flying a jumbo jet is easy, but in her career she has overcome many challenges, including learning how to communicate as a successful woman in a man’s world.
“I realised that people weren’t listening to me; not because I didn’t know how to communicate, but because I didn’t know how to communicate effectively,” she said.
She noted that, when communicating, there are three paths one takes – passive, aggressive and assertive.
“I have had a lot of issues with men saying things about and to me, which include that I shouldn’t be flying,” she said.
“If you are passive in your approach, as I once was, you are not standing up for yourself and this leaves you powerless and frustrated.”
When you are assertive, she explained, you are standing up for yourself, but you must still remember that you should respect the other person’s humanity.
However, you are allowed to say that you don’t like the other person’s behaviour.
“We tend to get aggressive when we are stuck in a dire situation,” she said.
“And we tend to be passive when dealing with bullies – being polite, and then they don’t listen to us.
“Some women then go from being passive to aggressive mode, surpassing the assertive mode.”
She explained that women need to identify the state the other person is in and use the building blocks of assertion to get to where they want to be.
She provided the following useful tips:
n Address the behaviour and not the person. If you don’t speak up, you don’t respect yourself. You can tell a person how the behaviour makes you feel, but be careful of being overly emotional, as the “overly emotional female” stereotype still exists in the workplace.
* Be clear about what you say.
* Use passive communication when communicating to your boss about an issue you are worried about by phrasing your problem with a situation, or decision with a question. Make them think it’s their idea.
* Use assertion to respond to criticism, because this is a problem that makes one doubt oneself. Ask questions towards the person’s behaviour; they will have to come up with an answer to why they criticise something you do – you can change what you do, but not who you are.
n We all have certain words we use that we must watch, for example: “I am sorry but…”. It’s hard to say no, and you apologise, make explanations for your answer. Just say no thank you – no explanations. It makes it powerful and they can’t come back and throw your excuses back in your face.
Check those unconscious habits such as words “no, um, but, ya…”. These words make women sound like they don’t know what they are talking about.
* Phrases we use at work can get us into trouble. These are conversation smoothers like, “don’t you think?” Rather ask direct requests, and still be a lady and nice.
* When you make a point in a meeting, headline your question. If you are passive, and are interrupted, your question will get lost. If you are interrupted, just say: “Please wait till I am done”. Also use your humour as this is a very effective tool.
n Remember that your non-verbal presence, appearance, body language, eye contact and a confident smile show a lot about who you are. Power posing makes your body big, which makes you perceived as more powerful. Sound like you are in charge.
“Being assertive as a woman is very important, and remember, these tools can be used in any place in your life – even at home with your husband,” Trembath concluded.
